Dear Random Acquaintance,
Yes, I have just gotten back from two weeks of vacation. And yes, as you have pointed out, I am not tan.
No, I never get tan.
Yes, I put on SPF 50 and hide under trees and stand in the shade unless absolutely necessary.
Yes, my kids are pale too. And they also are doused in SPF 50 and forced under trees.
No, I don't have any desire to lie on a towel under the sun with my eyes closed for hours on end.
That seems kind of boring to me, actually.
Besides, haven't you heard, pale is the new tan?
And didn't you know that in Asia, being pale is the cool thing? As well as being tall and having a big nose? I fit right in there.
You've heard of skin cancer, right?
And wrinkles? Lots and lots of wrinkles?
What's that you say? You are asking if I ever consider spray tans?
Why, yes. I've done that before. (It was a weak, hypocritical moment.)
But overall, I am not envious of your bronze tan lines.
I am pale and proud.
And I will be all summer.
SO GET USED TO IT!