Too Stressed to Eat

You know what I miss the most about biglaw these days?

Being too stressed to eat.

There would be days when I would completely forget to eat breakfast and lunch.  It would be around 4pm, and I would realize I hadn't eaten anything all day.  I would make a mental note to eat a bigger dinner.  But by the time dinner rolled around (usually 8:30 or 9pm when I was in New York), I had completely lost my appetite.  So I would order my $50 worth of food to be delivered to the office (paid for by the firm, of course), take a few bites, and then retire home for the evening an hour later.

No wonder I was so skinny.

Dangerously Close to Falling into a January Funk

January is starting off as it pretty much always does for me.  

Blah.  

We got back from North Carolina on Sunday.  It was warm there.  My husband didn't have to go to work there.  I had free babysitters at my disposal there.  I ate whatever I wanted there.  I drank wine each night and didn't feel guilty about it there.  I showered whenever I wanted and went shopping and enjoyed my kids and my family and playing Words with Friends.  

Don't get me wrong - there was ample family drama and on more than one occasion I yearned to come home.  But it is just different being away.  There were always people around.  There were always activities.  Each day was different from the day before.  As all vacations are, it was a break from real life and the stresses and guilt and obligations that come with it.  

Me Hungry

Casey is now over a year old, and I think it's official.  The "baby" weight has turned into my weight.  It's all mine.

Despite my best efforts, I am just not looking like my pre-Casey self.  And yes, I know, pregnancies change you and you'll never look exactly the same, but really?  Really?  This is how it's going to be?

This summer, I put my nose to the grindstone and said enough.  Enough!  I did Jillian Michaels every friggin day for weeks (and I hate that woman).  I counted calories - as in, every time a morsel of food or liquid went into my mouth it was recorded on a scrap of paper in the kitchen.  I bought disgusting weight watchers microwave meals and endured them.  I stopped watching Top Chef reruns, because it was just too painful.

My efforts were rewarded, and I did end up losing weight.  I got down to my pre-pregnancy weight, plus one pound.  Which I figured isn't so bad.  I'd allow myself the excess pound if it meant I could cut Jillian Michaels out of my life.

Once I had gotten to my baseline, I figured I was in the clear. I mean, one can't live like this forever, right?

A Celebrity Wedding

The wedding I went to this past weekend was pretty unbelievable.  Over the top.  Extravagant.  But what do you expect from a celebrity wedding?  Well, maybe not Hollywood A-list style, but close to it. 

Have you ever seen that show on TLC, DC Cupcakes?  It's a reality show following the two sisters who own Georgetown Cupcake, which is a cupcake store chain in DC (soon to open in Manhattan).  The cupcakes are pretty amazing, but that's neither here nor there.

Well, my husband happens to work with the guy who married one of the sisters.  I know, it's weird, right?  A guy who is engaged (now married) to a reality TV star/owner of hugely successful cupcake chain chooses to spend his time in biglaw marking up credit agreements and taking notes during conference calls?  I can't imagine he's yearning for the partner track, but what do I know?  And anyway, that's also neither here nor there.

We got the invitation to the wedding last spring, and my first reaction:  We're there.  Nevermind I had never met the bride or the groom.  The wedding was in Santa Barbara.  At the San Ysidro Ranch.  It was being filmed for the TLC series (it will air in November!).  Um yeah, we're going.  My husband took a bit of convincing, but the tickets were booked in short order.  And so began the countdown to my first celebrity wedding. 

Enough Already

I am ready to lose this pregnancy weight.  Right now.

I have always been skinny.  In the "I bet she has an eating disorder" kind of skinny.  I was just built that way - a genetic gift.  In fact, when I was younger I used to try to force feed myself to ward off demeaning comments.  Suffice it to say, before kids, I never gave my weight a second thought.  I know, I hate the former me too.

But one of the negatives of being naturally skinny is that when you gain weight, it just doesn't look right.  It is all asymmetrical and misplaced and pregnant looking.  It's not evenly distributed.  Right now I have a jiggly ring sitting around my waste, bookmarked by skinny legs and saggy boobs, and enveloped by lanky arms.  It doesn't conjure up a pretty picture, and I can tell you, it's not pretty.

The first time I got pregnant, I started out underweight, but I soon made up for it and gained almost 50 pounds.  I thought I would leave the hospital with the baby in my arms wearing a size 2.  Ha!  It took me about 9 months to completely lose the weight, but after I weaned, the excess weight seemed to come right off.  This time around, I gained another 50 pounds and adjusted my expectations.  I knew it would take some time,  but I looked forward to the post-breastfeeding weight loss.  Nope, not this time.    I weaned, took a trip to Cincinnati, ate Skyline chili and Steak and Shake, and gained five pounds.  And it just won't seem to go away.