Monday, December 12, 2011

Hello Again

Wow, I feel out of the loop lately.  The blogging loop, the friend loop, the I need to clean my house loop.  The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of working while trying to fit in cooking and cleaning and tantrums and patience with my husband's ridiculously long hours.  I feel like I have been on adrenaline, going from one task to the next and struggling (not always successfully) to keep it together.

But this morning, I am able to breathe, to relax, to appreciate the quiet.  The work deadline has passed. I got 8 hours of sleep last night.  Braden is at school.  Casey is asleep.  And I am back where I like to be at this time in the morning - in bed, with a cup of coffee, the computer on my lap, and the Today show on in the background.

These past couple of weeks have been a rude awakening as to what it was like - what it is like - to manage two jobs at once.  In a word - hard.

As hard as it is to stay at home with two kids, it is that much harder to stay at home and try to fit work in at the same time.  Laundry fell to the wayside.  The kids ate mac and cheese every other night.  I put the TV on more than I'd like to admit.  And the guilt that I hadn't felt in so long came flooding back - guilt for neglecting my kids, and guilt for not getting the work done quicker.  It is amazing how quickly I fell back into the cycle of it all.

But today, I just feel so lucky.  Lucky that I was able to work and earn some money, and lucky that today I can put that aside, and relax a bit.  And so this week, I will relish and appreciate the downtime a bit more.  I'll take my kids to the park (no matter the freezing cold), I'll catch up on TV shows, and I'll blog again.

There were several missed blogging opportunities these past couple of weeks - times when I would write the post in my head, but never get the time to actually put pen to paper (so to speak).  It's too late to write all of the posts now - some are forgotten, some are untimely, and others I just don't feel like writing.  Instead, here is a digest of some of the highlights and low points of the last couple of weeks, that will never be born into full blog posts:

- Dinner and Drinks with Fellow Blogger, Darcy.
This was our second installment of local blogger drinks, and the second time the total local bloggers in attendance was 2.  But it doesn't matter, because we always have such a great time.  We went to Firefly in Dupont and a dirty martini never tasted so good.

- A 39 Minute Labor
One of my dearest friends had a baby last Thursday.  Just four hours prior to her giving birth, we were eating at the Cheesecake Factory and she was complaining of contractions.  Um, hello!  She was totally in active labor!  She showed up at the hospital a few hours later and gave birth, naturally, 39 minutes after walking through the hospital doors.  What a rock star.  And her baby....oh my God, is she precious.  I cried when I saw her.  I think it's official that I am not done.  I just can't be.

- A Law Firm Holiday Party
My husband's firm's holiday party was this past Saturday.  That means I got to wear a dress and contacts and makeup and suck in my stomach all night.  I have to say, it was so nice to go out and converse with other adults, especially now that I am getting to know his co-workers better (after we all got drunk spent a lavish weekend in Santa Barbara together).  I ate free food and drank free alcohol and tried to appear relevant.  The highlight low point most interesting part of the night was when my husband was conversing with a few colleagues who also went to Penn Law about when everyone graduated.  He went around the circle stating the year of graduation (him, 2005, a colleague, 2004, another 2002, etc.).  Guess who he left out - ME!  It was so ridiculous and glaring that everyone had to laugh.  It certainly made the title of my blog fitting.

Low points:
- The Tantrum from Hell
Oh, Braden, you are a conundrum.  His teachers tell me he spends half the day calling my name.  And yet when I pick him up from school, his first reaction is to come hit me, or declare, "I'm going to make you sad today!"  This I am used to.  But even he threw me for a loop last week.  His teacher asked me to come to school to help the class practice holiday songs for the upcoming holiday show this week.  I agreed, and came to his class last week only to have Braden run out of the room, full speed upon seeing me.  After I chased him down, it became apparent that he did not want me to be there.  He proceeded to throw a full on tantrum, in front of the class, the teachers, the natural world, which involved screaming, crying, kicking, etc.  All I wanted to do was get out of there, but I had a job to do.  I led the class in song, while a teacher removed my son from the room and took him outside to play.  By the last song, he came back in but would not sit near me.  I held it together but cried immediately upon getting into the car.  The next day, I showed up yet again for song practice, and he welcomed me with open arms.  WTF.

- People Should Not Be on Conference Calls at 4am.
My husband's hours in December are always crazy, but this year is bringing crazy to a new level.  On Thursday morning, he woke up and went to work.  He did not sleep again until Friday evening at 8pm.  There is no need for further elaboration.  That is just ridiculous.

Okay, I feel sufficiently caught up.  And sufficiently relaxed.  If I wrap this up now, I may be able to watch the end of Kourtney and Kim Take New York.

Ahhhh, I'm back.


  1. Yay! This reader has missed you..we're in the middle of finals, so naturally I have been checking your blog every day to avoid studying. :)

  2. Loved having drinks with you! And finally caught up on Real Housewives of BH, can't wait for tonight!!

  3. I would have much rather been at Firefly with you guys! Next time, next time...

    Glad you got a breather. Sounds like you've been working hard(er than normal).

  4. Have you read/heard this story on NPR? I'm working full-time and also getting home in time to meet my kindergartener when he gets off the bus. I can attest to the fact that it is all hard, but right now, having two full-time jobs feels like it's the hardest. Sigh.

  5. Forgot the story:

  6. Shannon -- you need to get some help with the laundry and housework! Those are two essentials for me cleaning women and laundry I pay our nanny extra to do-- I work part time at a big firm (reeally full time obviously but maybe not as bad as it would otherwise be) and two little ones. And be nice to yourself -- don't feel guilty. In and of itself, guilt it is a useless emotion. Instead, try to articulate better what it is that you are reacting to and how it is making you feel. That's what I try to do. So, when I get that pang of guilt, I just think really what am I feeling? Sometimes it's sadness for myself that I have to travel out of town, sometimes it's sadness for my kids that they will have to wake up and I'll be gone. But really, I know that I'm making their life better by working hard for our family ever day and some days are not perfect. That's life. Anyway, going through this process, talking through what it is that I am really feeling and reacting to when I feel "guilt" has led me to conclude that it is rarely guilt that my kids are in bad circumstances or would be better off if I were making a different decision. Anyway, just my two cents so take it for what it's worth~!!!


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