Monday, June 13, 2011

Enough Already

I am ready to lose this pregnancy weight.  Right now.

I have always been skinny.  In the "I bet she has an eating disorder" kind of skinny.  I was just built that way - a genetic gift.  In fact, when I was younger I used to try to force feed myself to ward off demeaning comments.  Suffice it to say, before kids, I never gave my weight a second thought.  I know, I hate the former me too.

But one of the negatives of being naturally skinny is that when you gain weight, it just doesn't look right.  It is all asymmetrical and misplaced and pregnant looking.  It's not evenly distributed.  Right now I have a jiggly ring sitting around my waste, bookmarked by skinny legs and saggy boobs, and enveloped by lanky arms.  It doesn't conjure up a pretty picture, and I can tell you, it's not pretty.

The first time I got pregnant, I started out underweight, but I soon made up for it and gained almost 50 pounds.  I thought I would leave the hospital with the baby in my arms wearing a size 2.  Ha!  It took me about 9 months to completely lose the weight, but after I weaned, the excess weight seemed to come right off.  This time around, I gained another 50 pounds and adjusted my expectations.  I knew it would take some time,  but I looked forward to the post-breastfeeding weight loss.  Nope, not this time.    I weaned, took a trip to Cincinnati, ate Skyline chili and Steak and Shake, and gained five pounds.  And it just won't seem to go away.

Now I have 7 pounds to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight.  And I don't care that I was underweight to begin with, or that my BMI was all off.  That is the way my body is supposed to be!  I just don't look right otherwise.  And this time around, I don't have a job where I can hide my body in oversized business casual clothes.  No, this time my son wants to go to the pool on a daily basis.  And with a kid at the pool, you are running, contorting, bending over, and exposing the occasional boob.  There is no hiding or striking a flattering pose.

For the past couple of weeks  I have been panicking.  I actually am going to have to work for this weight loss?  I've never been on a diet in my life.

My first line of defense was to cut out the snacking.  I had gotten in a bad habit of eating something around 9pm before I would go to bed.  I resolved to stick to three meals a day, and that's it.  But I was allowed to eat whatever I wanted for those 3 meals.

That yielded no results.  Then I added exercise.  Last week I started doing Jillian Michaels' 30 day shred video.  I hate that woman, but I do it anyway.  And I even pant and sweat.

After a few days of that I didn't see any shift in the scale.  And I recognize these things take time, but surely I could see a slight decrease?  Half a pound?  A quarter of a pound for God's sake?

Then I decided, okay, I'll eat smaller amounts,  and maybe even try to eat healthy.   But I don't even know what eating healthy means.  Do I count calories?   Fat grams?  The only thing I know about dieting is what I hear on the Today show while it's playing in the background in the morning.  Just buzzwords- carbs, lean, cardio, processed food, fat ass, blah blah blah.

I have found that my criteria has become if I am hungry, I have done well.  If I suffer enough, then surely I will reap rewards.  So what did I eat yesterday?  One hot dog for lunch.  Eight pieces of sushi for dinner, with a side salad (with lots of dressing I have to admit - love that ginger dressing).  I was feeling pretty good about myself, until my husband decided to make a bag of microwave popcorn, and I had to have some of it.  I mean come on, you can't have that popcorn smell hovering in your kitchen without partaking.  And then, with all the saltiness, I had to have something sweet.  Enter three hershey kisses, right before bed.

Okay, so I didn't make the healthiest of choices, but I didn't really eat that much all day.  In fact, I spent most of the day starving!  And, I did the effing Jillian Michael video and hated every minute.

So this morning I was a bit anxious to get on the scale, but surely I had started chipping away at the muffin top.  Guess what.  I gained 1.4 pounds!!!! WTF!!!!!

The weird thing is, a few weeks ago, when I was eating whatever I wanted and not exercising at all, I was maintaining my weight - not losing, but staying stagnant.  Now I'm GAINING.  So I'm thinking I should just switch back to being a pig and doing nothing and maybe I can turn this whole thing around.

I refuse to be the pudgy, muffin topped mom.  I just refuse.


  1. Maybe you're not asking for advice, but here's mine. Your best plan is to exercise and eat healthier. Not eating enough actually puts your body in "starvation mode," meaning it will hold on to the fat because it is afraid it isn't getting enough fuel to survive. Jillian Michaels' workouts are great, but if you don't like her, find something you do like. Beachbody has a TON of programs to choose from that many people enjoy. But back to the eating. You hear this all the time, but that's because it works: Keep a log of every single thing you put into your mouth. Dailyburn or dailyplate are great websites for this. Set an amount of daily calories & try to meet your body's needs for proteins, carbs, and fats (again, those website will help you figure this info out). Being skinny again & non-muffined top is great motivation, but you can also use your health & your family as motivation. A hot dog, sushi, popcorn & chocolate does not a healthy mom make, and you've got to be the one to set the example for your kids. It's not easy and it doesn't happen overnight, but you didn't put on the weight overnight either.

    Genuinely wishing you good luck on your journey, because it is a journey. But aren't you worth it?

  2. I second dailyplate. There is a really great phone app called fitnesspal that makes it really easy to keep track as well, with the added bonus that it will say "if you keep doing what you've done, you wlil reach your goal weight in X weeks." Not sure how old you are, but I am about to be 27, and I definitely noticed a drop off in my metabolism or whatever the heck it is this year. Keeping track has definitely helped me learn about the new me-and-my-body.

  3. it works.

  4. Enjoyed this post. As a fellow (sister?) thin girl, I can relate, and it does get more difficult to shed the baby pounds with each subsequent pregnancy. My third time around, I used Lose It (there's an iPhone and iPad app) and Wii Fit. You might laugh about the Wii Fit (my kids certainly do when they're watching me do it), but it actually helped. It's all about being accountable.

  5. Thanks so much for the advice - truly! What I am doing is obviously not working. I may check out those apps/websites. I can't get a Wii, because my husband will disappear to the basement. :)

  6. I'm a big advocate for Weight Watchers, because it teaches you what food actually consists of, and proper portion sizes, so that you can make good choices. Most of the time, you have no idea that the "healthy food" you're eating has a ton of calories and fat, and you could have made a better choice that you'd rather eat anyway. Since I eat out pretty much all the time, that's particularly helpful. Exercise is tricky too, because if you don't ease into it and balance it with what you're eating, you'll end up overeating. A lot of people who start training for marathons end up packing on the pounds because they figure, hey, I'm exercising so much, I can eat more. Not really! Anyway, I hate the meetings, but I did the online membership and I lost 20 pounds last year.

    Of course, right now I'm enjoying the "skinny girl lifestyle" of eating whatever the hell I want, because my pregnancy metabolism is completely backwards. I haven't even gained 10 pounds yet, and I've done nothing but eat pizza for the past 6 months. I only gained 20 pounds with my last pregnancy, and I'm on target to do the same this time. Of course, I also did nothing but eat pizza in law school while not pregnant, and I gained 30 pounds. Awesome.


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