This year, we rented a different house in Cape Cod. We arrived on Saturday, and are loving it - it is spacious, secluded, has cable TV in all the bedrooms, and even has central A/C (a rarity in the Cape). But there's one downside... Though there is an outdoor shower, it's not enclosed. It's a "naked" outdoor shower, so to speak. No walls, no hook, no shelf. Bare bones. Here it is:
I figured that my days of outdoor showering on the Cape were over. But yesterday, right after the rain cleared out, I had an urge. Why can't I take an outdoor shower? I thought. I mean, come on, we're in the woods! Who's going to walk in our backyard? Why should I deny myself this luxury?
I surveyed the backyard, and made the decision that it was safe - no one but the odd possum or squirrel would see my pregnant, naked body. Just take a look yourself - would you really think another human being would be back here?
My decision was not necessarily an educated one. I had no idea where our property line ended, and no idea if there were any trails back there. Regardless, I figured my shower would be under 10 minutes. What are the chances of being interrupted?
(We all know where this is going, right?)
I was just about done with my shower when it happened. I'd done the shampooing, the conditioning, and was just finishing up shaving my left calf (bent over 90 degrees, mind you, with my ass in the air), when I heard it. An animal. I didn't have my glasses on, so all I saw was a fuzzy figure 50 yards away or so. What was it? A deer? A moose?
And behind the dog was an owner.
My instinct was to scream Oh my God, which I promptly did. My next instinct was to cover myself with something, anything! A leaf? A stick? No, a towel! MUST FIND TOWEL! Unfortunately, my towel was on the deck, which was about 20 feet away, so in addition to seeing a naked pregnant woman shaving her legs, ass in air, the poor gentleman also got to see me sprint, naked, across the yard to cover my bare body.
Take a minute to imagine what a naked pregnant woman looks like, sprinting.
Since I could barely see, I didn't make eye contact, and by the time I was covered and put my glasses on, the man was out of sight, calling for his dog. By that point, I was too traumatized to finish shaving, so today, I have one smooth calf, and one hairy one.
Since yesterday's episode, I have seen numerous people walk through the woods in our backyard. Apparently there is a trail back there, leading to a pond, which is highly trafficked.
I won't be showering outdoors again.