Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Two Secrets

I've never been a good secret keeper.  In fact, I'm pretty damn awful at it.

But since March 6, I've been keeping a really big secret.  

On the evening of March 6, my husband and I were up late packing for a road trip to Cincinnati to visit my best friend.  We were a bit tipsy - we always crack open a bottle of wine before a trip, to make the packing a bit more entertaining.  I was in the bathroom packing up my toiletries, when I glanced under the sink and saw a package of pregnancy tests.  I honestly don't know WHAT enticed me to take one.  Sheer curiosity?  Tipsy-ness?  The fact that I was sure to be tipsy during my weekend away?  

I don't know, because we certainly weren't planning anything pregnancy related that month.  But for some reason, I took it.  And this happened:


A faint line = a line.  
Yes, people, I took a pregnancy test drunk.  And it came up positive.  

I ran out of the bathroom and blurted out the news to my husband who thought I was kidding.  We laughed.  Because we were drunk.  Then we went to bed and fell asleep easily.  Because we were drunk.  

I woke up around 2am, sober.  

Thoughts swirled.  Due dates were calculated.  I mentally went through the next nine months and thought of all the things I would be fat and sober for.  I thought about our house and how we would reconfigure the furniture.  I thought about college funds and sibling age differences and minivans.

I got stressed, but I also got excited.  We weren't preventing this, per se.  This was right.  This was going to stick.  Not like last time.  I just knew it.  

I managed to get a few hours of sleep.  When we woke up the next morning, we went about our day as normal.  We had our weekend in Cincinnati and returned and life went on.  Because that's what life does.   

And for the next two months, I carried this secret with me.  And that secret started making its presence known - through nausea, through bloating, through fatigue, through OH MY GOD HOW ON EARTH DID I FORGET HOW MUCH THE FIRST TRIMESTER SUCKS?  If you have a lot of time on your hands, and are so inclined, go back and read all of my posts since March 6th and read them with the undertone of I FEEL LIKE CRAP AND I LOOK LIKE I'M SIX MONTHS PREGNANT ALREADY AND MY HEMORRHOIDS ARE BACK.  

It was rough at points.

But I am overjoyed.  

This will be my last pregnancy.  It will.  So instead of wallowing in my nauseated misery, I am trying to take it all in.  Commit it to memory.  Imprint it so that years from now, when I look at my three children and marvel at the fact that they were all at one time actually inside of me, I can still hang on to this feeling.  Even if it is an exhausted, nauseous one.

Because after all, this whole thing is pretty miraculous.

On April 2, we saw this:   



On April 29, we saw this:



And on April 30 at 10:15 am, two days before I officially exited the first trimester, I got the call from the genetic counselor saying that we got the results back from our Verifi test (this is a new test, and science is freaking amazing).  We got great news - the baby is healthy.  And she also was able to tell us...

The gender.  

That's my second secret.  

Stay tuned.  

21 comments:

  1. So, so, so incredibly happy for you!!

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  2. So exciting!!! Congratulations!

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  3. Congratulations, i read pretty much all your blogs and we will soon meet but i know this was in your heart and in the stars for you! Since you can't (maybe), I am at this moment toasting a glass of wine for you and your family.

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  4. I rarely comment but I read your blog whenever you post (in my RSS) so it feels like a good time to chime in: Congrats! Love the blog, especially as a current big law associate/mom. Good stuff.

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  5. Congratulations! And knowing the gender before the second trimester? That's amazing!

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  6. Congrats!!! Having three is such a wild and wonderful ride ;-)

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  7. Congratulations!!!!! So awesome! :)

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  8. I guess it takes a pregnancy announcement to bring me out of lurkerdom -- I've been reading your blog since very early on in it's life and I've only commented maybe one other time? Sorry 'bout that! BUT, CONGRATULATIONS! That's so so exciting! I'm as thrilled as I can be for someone I only "know" via their blog. I just found out that I'm pregnant with #2 and had never heard of the Verifi test - knowing the sex by the start of the second tri? Sign me up! Def asking my OB about this ...

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  9. Congrats! Such exciting news!

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  10. WOOO HOOOO!!! I'm so happy for YOU!!! Congratulations!!!!

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  11. A big congratulations to you! I'm so happy for your family. You seem like such a loving mother and I'm sure your kids will grow up to be wonderful people.

    I found your blog relatively recently, maybe a few months ago, but I've read pretty much every single post you've written. I would just like to also tell you, thank you for your honesty. You talk bluntly and upfront about issues that are very real for women today -- especially for women like me who are debating on law school in the near future but are very aware of the obstacles that we face in the future (like having a family). I am so grateful for finding your blog and for your transparency about your struggles. I hope that you continue to speak out, regardless of the ignorant and discouraging comments people may make, and that you continue to speak for the many women out there who have the same struggles today in America. We need more brave people like you.

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  12. Congratulations! How exciting!! Can't wait to hear the gender!!

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  13. Oh my goodness, Shannon!! I am sooooooooooo happy for you!! This just made my day! Love, Kim

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  14. Thank you all so much for all of your comments and congratulations. It means a lot. :)

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  15. I keep meaning to say congratulations... CONGRATS! Three is crazy but great!

    I often read blogs from my iPad and for some reason whenever I select "Comment as: Name/URL" it won't allow me to continue with my comment (which is why I haven't commented in forever). Darn iPad! Ha. Anyway, very excited for you and your family. Best of luck - enjoy your summer months as 4! Looking forward to reading blogs as the new little one arrives.

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