Fog Lifting

I have been feeling oddly happy lately. 

Not that I don't have reasons to be happy - I have countless reasons.  But I have also had some reasons to be sad.  And angry.  And then add in an emotional breakdown and an acute anxiety episode and I've been hanging on by a thread a lot of the time. 

But for the past few weeks, I've just been calm. 

In early July my insomnia came back with a vengeance and I have been back on sleeping pills ever since.  I HATE this.  I HATE taking a pill to go to sleep.  I have accepted having to take other medications in my life, but these sleeping pills just make me angry.  The ones I take aren't technically "addicting," but for me, I think they are mentally addicting because I start to feel like I can't sleep without them.  So each night becomes a challenge - can I do it?  Which inevitably means no, I can't, because when you think about sleep, it doesn't come. 

Then, inexplicably, last week I just fell asleep, sans medication.  And then the next night.  And the next. 

I don't know why. 

I've also just had a more cheerful demeanor as of late. I have been more patient with my kids and my husband. I have brushed things off that ordinarily would have eaten me up inside. I have had random moments of gratitude where I just feel all warm and excited and at peace.

What's up with that?

I didn't even really know a fog was here, but I can feel a fog lifting a bit.  And just as there was no reason for the fog's arrival, there doesn't really seem to be a reason for its departure.  But I'll take it. 

The truth is, I am just along for the ride.