I have been feeling oddly happy lately.
Not that I don't have reasons to be happy - I have countless reasons. But I have also had some reasons to be sad. And angry. And then add in an emotional breakdown and an acute anxiety episode and I've been hanging on by a thread a lot of the time.
But for the past few weeks, I've just been calm.
In early July my insomnia came back with a vengeance and I have been back on sleeping pills ever since. I HATE this. I HATE taking a pill to go to sleep. I have accepted having to take other medications in my life, but these sleeping pills just make me angry. The ones I take aren't technically "addicting," but for me, I think they are mentally addicting because I start to feel like I can't sleep without them. So each night becomes a challenge - can I do it? Which inevitably means no, I can't, because when you think about sleep, it doesn't come.
Then, inexplicably, last week I just fell asleep, sans medication. And then the next night. And the next.
I don't know why.
I've also just had a more cheerful demeanor as of late. I have been more patient with my kids and my husband. I have brushed things off that ordinarily would have eaten me up inside. I have had random moments of gratitude where I just feel all warm and excited and at peace.
What's up with that?
I didn't even really know a fog was here, but I can feel a fog lifting a bit. And just as there was no reason for the fog's arrival, there doesn't really seem to be a reason for its departure. But I'll take it.
The truth is, I am just along for the ride.