Thursday, May 14, 2015

I Suck as a Mom This Week

Huge mom fails this week.  And they both involve my children being in physical pain that was only exacerbated by me.

Mom Fail #1 - Braden

Braden is one of those kids that is in the nurse's office at school every day.  When he gets a minor scratch on his knee, he limps.  When he has a mosquito bite, he wails.

The kid cries wolf.  A lot.

So when the school nurse called me on Tuesday saying that Braden had been to see her saying his eye was hurting, I assumed it was just overplayed allergies.  I had little sympathy, and after all, this was not the first time I had gotten a call from the nurse.  I told her that if she thought he was okay, that he should go back to class.

When I picked him up after school later that afternoon, he was clutching his left eye.  He immediately got into the car and started crying.  His eye was red and puffy, but he does tend to get puffy eyes in allergy season.  I tried to calm him down saying it was okay, it was just allergies, and that I'd give him some allegra and eye drops when we got home.

But he kept crying.  And for some reason, I decided to go ahead and make an appointment with the ophthalmologist for the next day, thinking all the while that I was wasting my time and the doctor's time, because after all, it's just allergies.

But that mommy gut thing was telling me to do it.

I kept him home from school the next day, mostly because his appointment was in the afternoon and I didn't feel like sending him to school just to have the nurse call me again.  We arrived at the appointment, the doctor saw us right away, took one look at Braden's eye, and said:  This isn't allergies.  This is a corneal abrasion.  

Just as I was about to freak the fuck out, the doctor said: It sounds worse than it is.  

Big sigh.

Basically, Braden somehow scratched his cornea.  It will heal, and we just need to watch it for infection.  But the worst part - the I have been the worst mom in the world ever part - is that these abrasions are excruciatingly painful.

If you had this, the doctor said, you'd be in my office begging me for a percocet, and I would give it to you.  

In the words of WebMD, "once you've had a corneal abrasion, you're not likely to forget the unrelenting pain and discomfort it can cause."

So basically, my kid was in excruciating, "unrelenting" pain, went to his school nurse for help, reached out to his mother - the one that is supposed to love and protect and rescue him when he needs rescuing - who then said, If he looks okay, send him back to class.  

After spending eight hours in school in excruciating, "unrelenting" pain, he then got in the car to have his pain and suffering downplayed by his mother, who essentially told him to chill out and take some allegra.

Oh, Braden.  My bad on this one.

Sorry, buddy.

Mom Fail #2: Colin

This is painful to even write.

Colin's had ear issues as of late.  He's had a couple of ear infections, and then residual fluid in his ears.  We met with an ENT, and scheduled the procedure to have ear tubes inserted.

When we took him to his pre-op appointment with his pediatrician, his ears had cleared.  No more fluid!  The pediatrician and I both agreed that we should put off the tubes.  Surgery cancelled. Yippee!

That was last Thursday.  This past Sunday, Colin developed a fever.  On Monday morning I took him back to the pediatrician, just to make sure it wasn't something that needed to be treated like, ahem, an ear infection.  To my delight, his ears, and everything else, were clear.  Must have just been a virus of some sort.  Fine.

He seemed to get better, but then on Tuesday he started becoming crabby.  I dare say, he was kind of an asshole, if you will, which is just not like him.  He was throwing things, throwing food, refused to do anything if at least 30% of his body was not connected to mine, not going down at night, etc.  He woke up at 5am two days in a row and that's just not cool.

I was sympathetic, but also a bit annoyed.  I mean, I knew nothing was really wrong with him.  And his fever had broken.  Was my kid milking this?  My husband and I took turns carrying him around the house and going in at night.

This morning Colin woke up screaming, and I felt that mommy gut thing again.  I made yet another appointment with the pediatrician, almost embarrassed.  Yes, I was just there on Monday.  Yes, I'll be back next Monday for his 18 month appointment.  I know, but can we just have him seen today anyway?  Just to humor me?

My child was becoming a devil and I had nowhere else to turn.

The doctor looked in his ears and gave the diagnosis:  Ruptured ear drum!

Sometime between Monday and Thursday, Colin developed a nasty ear infection, and then his ear drum freaking ruptured.  And there I was being annoyed that I was having to comfort him at night and carry him around the house.

Not to mention, I had just cancelled the ear tube procedure which would have prevented the whole damn thing.

Shit.  I'm sorry, baby.

So far, I have done right by Casey this week, though I did have to physically restrain and hold him down on Monday at Johns Hopkins when he had to get blood taken and have his entire back pricked for allergy tests.  He screamed so much he was hoarse after the appointment.

Put a fork in me, I am done.

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  1. I'm another lawyer mommy and just happened upon your blog. I have to say - you did not fail your kids. You got them to the doctor. You listened to your gut. You got them the appropriate medical attention. You then took steps to help them heal. It is ALL that we can do. We are all just getting through this the best we can!

  2. When I was a kid, I liked to hang over the back of the sofa just to get dizzy. Well, my sister walked by when I was doing this and pushed me over the back of the sofa. I broke my arm. I cried all day and all night, while my busy non-lawyer parents thought I was being dramatic as I was wont to do as the youngest child. The next day I was in a cast and a sling. You're going to make mistakes as a parent, period. Learn from them and forgive yourself. I was the youngest of six kids, and my parents (relatively young at the time) were doing the best they could to keep up with us. I know that now, and your kids will know this in the future.

    I looove your blog. Keep on writing.


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