Friday, August 2, 2013

Old and Pregnant and Sober at a Bachelorette Party

Pregnancies always seem to be ill timed with major events - perhaps because in a nine month period, there are inevitably some.  But this pregnancy, there is a major, major event - my younger sister's wedding.

One of my first thoughts when I got the positive pregnancy test was - will this conflict with my sister's wedding?  Thankfully, no.  I will be 34 weeks pregnant when my sister gets hitched.  I will be a fat, sober bridesmaid, but I will be there.  Huge sigh of relief.  

But I will also be fat and sober for the events leading up to the wedding as well, one such event being this weekend - the bachelorette party.  

As my sister's maid of honor, I was in charge of organizing the bachelorette party and corresponding shower. I took on this responsibility with excitement - after all, I am a planner.  I invited all of my sister's friends, booked hotel rooms in Chapel Hill, NC, made dinner reservations, and picked out shower invitations.  I have to say, it was fun!  

But as the bachelorette party approached, reality hit me - I am old, pregnant, fat, and sober.  In a college town.  At a bachelorette party.  

First the old.  

I know I'm not that old in a relative sense to the population.  But as a bachelorette party organizer and attender, I feel old!  As I started contemplating what sorts of accessories and favors I should bring to the bachelorette party, I realized it had been over 8 years since I have been to a bachelorette party.  Eight years!  Way back then, in the day, we purchased all sorts of penis paraphernalia. You know, being mature like we were. Penis straws and penis cups and penis whistles and inflatable penises.  I believe we also wore tiaras and hot pink veils and whistles.  It was all in good fun, but is that what the kids are doing these days?  I have no idea. After some thought, I delegated the bachelorette penis (or lack thereof) accessory buying to two of my sister's contemporaries and friends, who are five years younger than me, and should know what is cool these days.  By the way, everyone at this bachelorette party will be five years younger than me, and childless.  And skinny and non-pregnant, which brings me to...

Second, the pregnant and fat.  

I know I'm not the first pregnant person to go gallivanting around a college town with a gaggle of girls on a bachelorette party, but I certainly can't recall having seen one in the past.  Maybe I just didn't notice them. And maybe no one will notice me.  Lets be honest, they probably won't.  But last night, while going through my closet trying to decide what to wear, and realizing that everyone else in said gaggle of girls will be skinny and non-pregnant and five years younger and cute, while at the same time realizing that hardly ANYTHING fits me anymore because it's not just my stomach, it's my thighs that have expanded, I got kind of depressed. Just for a minute.  

Third, the sober.  

Need I say more?  I'm at a BACHELORETTE PARTY for god's sake.  Sober.  

All this being said, I am super excited to be here, super excited for my sister, and I will rally.  I will pretend I am young and skinny and I will drink non-alcoholic beer.  I will have fun and I will relax and I will relish every moment of watching my sister take it all in.  

But I'd sure love that pregnancy pill right about now.

On a completely different note, next week is World Breastfeeding Week.  To celebrate, the Breastfeeding Center for Greater Washington will be holding an event (the Breastival Festival) next Tuesday, 8/6, from 2-4pm.  They will be raffling off 30 different items, including three double electric breastpumps, a Peg Perego carseat, a JJ Cole Diaper bag, nursing clothing, and accessories.  If you are interested, you can find more information here.  It promises to be a great event!  


  1. I shouldn't be laughing, because I would be feeling the exact same way as you, but you have a way with words, and somehow always have me laughing.

    On a smaller side note....just going back to our college town (Chico State) 5 years later....we thought - HOLY HELL, what the heck happened here? We felt SO old. We were supposed to stay all day and night, but we walked around town and I think to one bar and had to get out of there. If my terrible (which used to be sharp as a tack) memory serves me right...we haven't been back since.

    I hope you drink those girls under the table. Show them how it's done preggo!!!

    Breastival just keep em' coming, don't you? All the way until the end ; )

  2. I'm in the exact same boat and planning a bachelorette party for my sister. Can you let me know if the kids are still doing penises these days?


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