And I'm not talking about my husband.
We shared a bed last night. We held each other until he fell asleep. I caressed his hair and stared at his face for as long as I could before succumbing to sleep myself.
He's absolutely gorgeous, you see.
But it's not just his looks that I have fallen for - it's absolutely everything about him. He is funny, ambitious, intelligent, loyal, and kind. All the qualities I've ever looked for in a boy. His smile makes me glow. His touch warms my heart. His laugh tickles me inside.
He's in love with me too. Perhaps more in love with me than anyone has ever been.
He misses me more than anything. When he knows we have to part, even for a short time, he cries. He never wants to be away from me.
He buys me flowers when he has the opportunity. He paints me the most beautiful paintings.
He compliments me all the time. This morning, when I emerged from bed all disheveled and bleary eyed, his first words to me were: "You look so beautiful."
Lately, he's taken to telling me "secrets" throughout the day. He'll pull me aside, in the midst of everyday hassles and commotion, and whisper in my ear that he loves me "with his heart." He tells me that he loves me more than anything in the world. Sometimes he'll cup my head in his hands and give me the softest kisses. Or he'll give me a hug that lasts for a long time, though I always wish it would last longer. In those moments, no matter the circumstance, I can drop everything, and for just a moment, bask in the wonder of it all.
It's true love in its truest form.
I do acknowledge, it's not always sunshine and roses. He has a bit of a temper. He throws things at times. And I admit, he has even hit me.
He usually says he's sorry.
He can be very possessive and demanding, too. And when he doesn't get his way, he becomes very angry. Sometimes we have to part so he can calm down.
It has been a rocky road to get to where we are, to say the least. And God knows, it won't always be easy.
But there's nothing he can do to make me not love him. Nothing. Ever.
Our time together is limited. I know this. Ours is not a love affair that ends, but one that changes. And sometimes when I hold him, or when we lie in bed together, I think of the day when things will change.
When he won't whisper secrets to me anymore. Or give me soft kisses. Or want to be with me all of the time.
I can't imagine such a circumstance, but I know it will come.
Someday he won't be in love with me anymore.
Someday he'll be in love with somebody else.
It's weird to say, but it's exactly what I want to happen.
I want him to find someone else in the world so beautiful, so amazing, that he can't stand to be away from them. Someone else to whisper words of love to, to cuddle with in bed, to overwhelm him with joy. Someone to replace me.
God, that will be a lucky person.
It will be hard to let him go. My heart will break. Twice over (I also happen to be in love with his brother).
But it's what I wish for him. More than anything. I love him that much.
My time with him is so short. And so fleeting.
I am cherishing every single moment of being the love of his life.