I Lost My Shit Yesterday

Let me first set the stage. 

It's gray out. 

It's chilly.

It's muddy. 

It's not good park weather. 

But it is the second consecutive day that Braden has not had school and the three of us are going a bit crazy in the house. 

"Do you all want to go to a park?"

YES!  YES!  PARK!  PARK!  PARK!

We went to a park. 

It looks like other people had the same idea I did, because the park was packed with obnoxious rambunctious kids everywhere. 

Speaking of obnoxious rambunctious, I quickly noticed a group of 4 or 5 little boys - probably around 7 or 8- who were screaming, jumping, pushing, running, basically channelling a a balloon rapidly deflating - all over the place, unpredictable, loud.   

I made a mental note to steer clear.

But alas, with two children at park, I can only do so much.  It was only a matter of time until said deflating balloon bumped into Casey, knocking him over. 

Deep breaths. 

"Be careful, boys!" 

I tried to be cheery.  I smiled. 

A few minutes later Casey decided it was a good idea to take off running into a ravine.  I decided it was a good idea to run after him. 

As we were scaling the hill back to the park, I saw in the distance that Braden was following the group of boys. 

(For some reason he really loves older boys and follows them everywhere - it's cute and somewhat pathetic at the same time). 

I saw Braden yelling, like the older kids. 

I saw the older kids mock his yelling.  I saw them laugh at him.

I began running up the hill and put Casey on my hip. 

I saw them surround Braden. 

I saw one of them push Braden. 

AND I WENT FREAKING APE SHIT. 

I screamed from across the park.  "HEY!!!!  HEY!!!!"

I screamed as I approached.  "DID YOU JUST PUSH HIM?  DID YOU JUST PUSH HIM?"

And then I screamed when I got there.  "DID YOU JUST PUSH MY SON?  DID YOU JUST PUSH MY SON!!!!!!   STAY AWAY FROM HIM YOU HEAR ME?  AWAY!  HE IS FOUR YEARS OLD FOR GOD'S SAKE!  JUST STAY AWAY!"

I resisted the urge to call them little shits.  I REALLY resisted the urge. 

It wasn't until my outburst was over that I realized I was yelling loud.  Really loud. 

The nannies were looking at me.  Probably one of them "owned" some of the victims of my wrath. 

No one said a thing. 

It was time to leave the park, I decided. 

I grabbed Braden's arm and pulled him towards the car.  Poor Braden had no idea what had happened.  I don't think he really got the fact that an "encounter" just took place. 

"Mommy, can I go back and play with the big kids?" 

"No."

I know I can't always be there to save him.  I know that it's not always a good idea to save him.  I know that kids are kids and it's a part of growing up. 

But to see it?  With my own eyes?  My baby? 

Kids suck sometimes.