Friday, February 22, 2013

A Revolution Against Males (Inspired by my Hall Bathroom)

I know it seems like I've been all pro-female, I am woman hear me roar lately.  That's not usually my shtick.  But as I sit here, smelling the stench of urine emanating from my hall bathroom, I feel compelled to make this pitch for a revolution against modern men.

Braden has been potty trained for two years now.  But somehow, he still can't quite get it in there. It's on the toilet seat, on the floor, on the walls, and in some unfortunate circumstances, clear across the bathroom when he suddenly turns to tell me something mid-stream.  

I clean that bathroom often.  I scrub.  I light candles.  I open windows.

It still reeks of urine.   

I can't blame Braden, because really, he's just doing what he's told.  He's standing.  He shakes when he's done.  He's doing what males do.  Which leads me to the question...

Really?  This is how men behave in an advanced society?  

Lets break this down.  

1) On what basis is it okay to not wipe?  
I can't claim to know exactly how it feels to have the male anatomy, but after careful observation and my experience with my son, I can say that the "shake shake" one does after urinating is not adequate.  THERE IS ALWAYS AT LEAST A DROP.  And that is repulsive.  What happened to the wipe?  Is it toilet paper conservation?  Laziness?  Habit?  I don't know, but please, for the love of God, just wipe one time!  We women do it ever. single. time.  It's clean.  It's sanitary.  It's civilized, people.  

2)  Why must one stand? 
I acknowledge that sometimes standing has its perks.  In public restrooms, for example, or if one stops on the side of the road.  But in one's home, why is this the standard?  There is no way, no matter how precise one attempts to be, to make sure there is no backplashage.  There is inevitably some spray.  This is disgusting.  You all sit on the toilet at times, right?  You know how to do it?  Just do it all the time!  (And wipe when you're done, as per #1)

3) How is it acceptable to not wipe up any spillage? 
Have you ever picked up the toilet seat and looked at the residue left by the men in your life?  It is deplorable.  There are yellow, crusted drips everywhere.  Now look, I'm not going to lie, occasionally, for whatever reason, I have had a bit of spillage.  Do you know what I do?  I WIPE IT UP MYSELF.  I don't accept it and leave it there to sit and rot and smell until someone else comes and scrubs it.  

This has gone on long enough.  

Women, this weekend, take some time to talk to the men in your lives.  We owe it to ourselves.  To our children.  To the inventors of modern plumbing.  



  1. My husband and my 2.5 yr old son both sit to pee. Husband picked it up from a friend who studied abroad in Germany and says everyone does it there. Or something. Have them sit! It's what civilized people do.

  2. Here! Here! Let the revolution begin!

  3. I agree! As to #1, my husband reports that wiping is not acceptable because urinals do not have toilet paper rolls. Since the can't do it there, they don't do it at home, apparently.

  4. Have them clean the toilet (I realize your child is young, I mean the grown men in your house). I met a guy once who said they had to replace a portion of the wall behind the toilet in their house because him, his father, and his brother had such terrible aim that it eventually did permanent damage to the wall. Yuck!

  5. My husband sits when he's at home (but stands in public restrooms and stuff, of course). He says it's cleaner, and that way he doesn't forget to put the seat back down! It works great for me (the Designated Toilet Cleaner), except that when I do find gross drippies while cleaning the toilet, I know they came from other men who visited our house and not from my husband, which is just weird.

  6. You can take my life, but you'll never take my urine! Stand tall, stand proud, voices that care are crying out loud!

  7. Hello, really great post! You have my total support! I don't know if it is a German thing, but I live in Germany with one husband and three sons and I confirm that they all sit (not in public toilets obviously). Only the male au pairs apparently stand, but, who cares, they must clean their own toilet. And I check they also do it properly! So maybe, by the end of the au pair year, they sit (I must admit I have never checked, but I know for sure that they don't like the cleaning)!!!

  8. My husband sits at home and wipes. Its a cultural and religious (Muslim) thing for us I think. You aren't suppose to stand in your own home for the splatter reason I believe...

  9. My hubby sits at home and I am thankful for it everyday!!


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