Today I am 34.
I've never been one to stress about getting older, but for some reason this birthday is hitting home. Not because I think 34 is so old, but because a 24 year old is a decade younger than me.
The thing is, I still feel 24. Not when I'm home with my kids or when I am doing preschool pick up. But when I happen to be out to dinner with my husband. Or having a drink with friends. Or driving in a car by myself with the music blaring.
I still feel young. I just happened to have two kids and a husband and a mortgage. That's the only thing that separates me from a 24 year old, really.
When my Grandma was in her seventies I remember her telling me that she would look in the mirror and she couldn't believe that the face staring back at her was her own. She couldn't believe she had gotten old. At the time, I remember thinking that was a weird thing to say. But now I kind of get it. My mental age stopped at 24. Now, a decade later, it feels odd to me that I am perceived otherwise.
I do find some solace though, in the following:
- My friends are all as old as me (give or take). It's not just me. We're all getting older together, at the same rate. We all can't believe it. That's a relief, in a weird way.
- All people get old, if they are lucky. I'm not necessarily jealous of the young, hot 24 year olds I see at a bar. I don't want their life. I had that life. And someday, if they are lucky, they will have something like mine.
- A ton of people have done this whole getting older thing before. People I know. Half the world population. And then all the people that have lived, gotten old, and then died. That's a lot of people. If they can do it, why can't I?
I don't know, the whole thing is just weird. The time thing. It really does go by fast.
I think the important thing is to make sure you are enjoying the ride.
Here's hoping this year gives me a good one.