I usually wait to write blog posts until I am inspired by something. It just flows and is easier to write. But this week, I am uninspired. So I will write about how uninspired I am.
This week has been just blah. A few days ago I was still riding the high from New York, where I had help from family and a night out in Manhattan. I even got to go see a movie by myself (one of my favorite things). And now I am home. All. Week. Long.
It's ironic that even though I am a stay at home mom, Mondays are as daunting as ever. On Sunday nights, the idea of a whole, blank week ahead is overwhelming. I try to find ways to fill each afternoon with at least one activity. Sometimes it's a playdate. Other days it's a walk. Some days it is a trip to the drive thru CVS Pharmacy (if everything were drive thru, my life would be so much easier). Being the Type A personality that I am, I usually try and have everything "scheduled" by Sunday night. But some weeks I am lagging. Such is this week. Braden is due to wake up any second. And then what will we do? Whatever will we do? (Cue sad orchestra music.)
This morning, while Braden was at school, I took Casey, my six month old, over to a friend's house. She just had a baby girl, and I had not seen the baby yet. I actually met my friend through her husband - we used to work together at Dickstein. When I arrived at her house, I saw my former co-worker getting in his car to leave. I was able to say hello, and it was good to catch up. As he drove away it was a weird feeling. I knew exactly where he was headed, which office, which parking lot. I knew who he would speak to, where his secretary was sitting, and what cases he is working on. For a brief second, I felt a twinge of jealousy. I'm not sure why. I was there in my jeans and t-shirt, about to have a relaxing morning with a friend, my adorable baby boy, and a precious newborn girl. I had brought Starbucks. This is what I wanted.
After the "playdate" (if you can call it that at that age), I drove to get my other son from school while my thoughts ran wild. Maybe I should find something part time - just a couple of days a week to get out of the house and keep my sanity. But what? I've been in the law firm world for so long that I don't even know what else I can do. Everyone says you can do so much with a law degree. But really? Like what? With law, it seems to be so all or nothing. Is it possible to find a place to truly work part time, and maintain a reasonable life? Apart from firms and the government, where do I even search for part time employment? This is a serious question. If you know, feel free to comment!
I love writing this blog, but will there come a point when I have nothing left to write about? Will my life become that mundane?
I have to admit, on days like this I do question my decision to be at home. It's not that I want to be back at a firm, maybe just back at something - so I have something else to dwell on, other than potties, diapers, dinners, nap schedules...
I'll get my positive attitude back soon. I promise. In any event, I have chosen this evening as my weeknight to have wine. Ahhhhh. All I want right now is peace and quiet and wine and reruns of Sixteen and Pregnant. Only 5 hours to go. Until then, I hear both boys stirring from their naps. Here we go...