Deep Thoughts on a (Bizarre) Solo Car Trip

Long car trips by myself used to make me anxious.  I would do them, but I would dread them.  They were boring and monotonous and stressful and every once in a while I would have a really bad one, where I would get lost (Mapquest, anyone?) or run out of gas (just once, pre-cell phone), or have to pull over on the side of a highway during a blinding rain storm.  

In a former life, having a companion for a long car trip was definitely preferable.  

Then I had kids.  And my car trip companions tend to make the car journeys rather difficult.  There are vomiting incidents, multiple bathroom breaks, malfunctioning DVD players, thrown food, breastfeeding stops, tantrums, yelling, crying, and just generally noise.  Really, really loud noise.  

All of a sudden, the idea of a solo car trip became enticing.  And lucky for me, I took one such solo trip last weekend, to New York City for a bachelorette party.

I was really looking forward to this trip for a number of reasons.  I was able to see my sister.  I was able to celebrate my good friend (the bachelorette herself).  I was able to get my nails done. I was able to order a bloody mary at a bar at 1pm and then order another one after that.  I was able (by the grace of God) to stay out until 2am dancing.  At a real life bar!

But I also was able to get a little over of 7 hours to myself in the car.   SEVEN HOURS with no one to bother me!  SEVEN HOURS of me and my own thoughts!  

This rarely happens.  The thinking that is.  I am generally always doing.  Feeding, cleaning, carpooling, refereeing, cooking, talking, yelling, organizing, internet surfing, planning, going, going, going, and then when that's all done, I usually watch some crappy reality television just so I don't have to think.  And then I sleep.  For as long as I possibly can.  

But in a car, all you can do is think.  And I thought a lot.  For example, I decided that: 

I Am a Shadow of My First Time Mom Self

I remember being on maternity leave with my first child, Braden, and complaining to my husband that I never had time to eat lunch.  Or shower.  Or check email.  Or do laundry.  Or perform any kind of self care or household chore.

I am sure I was sincere in this sentiment, and I do remember a general feeling of exasperation.  I remember reaching the point where I gave in, and took a shower with the bouncy seat in the bathroom.  I remember rushing as quickly as I could to get the shampoo out of my hair.  Shaving was out of the question, of course, because the baby was crying, dear God, and I must get to him.

With all due respect to my former self....

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Need to eat?  Need to shower?  Need a breather, for God's sake?  Put the baby down in a bouncy seat, a swing, the crib, on a dirty towel on the floor.  Anywhere.  It's okay if he/she cries, you know. For a little bit.  He/she can't go anywhere.  Everything will be a-okay.

Do you hear that, Shannon from 2008?  PUT THE BABY DOWN AND LET THE BABY CRY.  EAT A SANDWICH.  Because you know what, Shannon from 2008?  You are going to have two more babies and THIS IS AS EASY AS IT'S GOING TO GET.

The End of an Era

Tomorrow is Braden's last day of preschool.  Next year he'll be in kindergarten.

It seems to be a common question to ask a parent how they are handling this.  I've done this myself.  How are you coping?  I would ask.  Can you believe it?  I suppose it's because it is a rite of passage, albeit a manufactured one.  There's nothing innately transformative about the exact age a child graduates from preschool.  Braden will still be the same kid next week that he is this week.  He'll still love on his brothers, raid our snack cabinet, throw the odd tantrum here and there about absolutely nothing, and cry when we try to brush his hair.  He's still our same little boy.

I've tried not to get all emotional about it.  

But I can't deny it.  Between the "graduation" ceremony last week, the pictures sent home from school,  and the slideshow the teachers made of all the kids (which yes, did make me cry), I can't help but take it as an opportunity, or maybe a mandate, to reflect.  

Our little boy isn't so little anymore.  

It's subtle things that drive this home for me.  The size of his feet, for example.  Sometimes I'll look at his feet, and think, My God, what happened?  It's not that they are particularly big.  It's just that they look like kid feet.  The baby feet - that cute little padding on the bottom, and the chubby little toes - are gone.  

Our conversations have gotten progressively more complicated - moving from the simple, toddler concepts, to the difficult ones.  When I told him the other day that my grandmother is in her nineties his response was Oh man, she's going to die soon.  He has started asking not only about death, but about religion.  Illness.  Even race, but in the most amazingly innocent way.  (What color is that girl's skin, mommy?  It's not blonde like mine.).  About marriage and how most boys marry girls but some boys marry boys, and how that's okay.  About divorce (or "breaking up," as he calls it), and about how it must have been sad for mommy that when she was little that her mommy and daddy lived in different houses.  

Hi. I [Was] in Delaware. And I Loved It.

We hadn't planned on doing anything for Memorial Day.  For no real reason, except for we didn't get our act together to plan something.  But then at the beginning of May, during a particularly stir crazy weekend, I felt the urge to go away.  I asked my husband if he was up for it, and he said yes, as long as we went somewhere within driving distance.

So started the internet research.  

What's within a 3ish hour drive of DC?  I started looking west.  Surely there is some mountain get away with a pristine clear lake and a cute little cabin?  I looked at Deep Creek Lake, Nemacolin, Wintergreen, and a bunch of other lake/mountain areas I had never heard of.  I ended up feeling eh about all of them.  Eh?

Then I turned east.  Do we dare brave beach traffic on Memorial Day?  And where to go?  New Jersey?  Delaware?  Virginia?  More internet research.  Questions posed to Facebook.  And ultimately, we decided on Delaware.  Bethany Beach, Delaware, specifically.  

I have always known that Delaware is a common beach destination for DCers.  After all, it's only a 2-3 hour drive.  It seems like nearly everyone I talk to rents a house there, has a house there, have friends who have a house there, etc.  But my lack of knowledge has kept us from exploring the Delaware beaches for the eight years we have lived in the DC area.  

It's time, I told my husband.  We're going to Delaware.

We did.  And now I have fallen in love.  With Delaware.  

Prior to moving to DC, all I really knew of Delaware was that Wayne's World clip.  And corporate law.  It certainly isn't universally known across the country as a tropical beach destination.  It's just Delaware.  

But ahhhhhhhhhh, Delaware is beautiful, people!  

We booked a two bedroom condo at a place called Sea Colony.  From the pictures, it didn't look that enticing.  It is a community of poo brown condo towers.  

Photo taken from Wyndham Vacation Rentals.

Not normally my cup of tea.  It's a bit on the cheesy side, for sure.  But it was right on the ocean, there were multiple pools, and the price was reasonable.  

Poo brown and cheesy aside, our condo was awesome.  Just look at our view!!!!

Packing, Then and Now

There was a time in my life when I packed a single backpack for a two month trip.  

There's something so freeing about that.  

Sure, it was strategic, and difficult to do.  For our Asia/Australia trip back in 2005, my husband and I had to pack for warm and cold weather.  For hiking and swimming.  For fancy nights on the town and casual beach barbeques.  IN A SINGLE BACKPACK.  Given those constraints, one has to learn to be minimalist. Flexible.  Go with the flow.  There simply is no way to pack for every contingency.  So you don't worry about every contingency.  You just enjoy.  

Australia, 2005- My backpacking days

Nine years later, packing for a family of five is an entirely different beast.  It really doesn't matter the length of the trip - 3 days, or two weeks.  It takes me generally two days to pack my family for a trip. There are more contingencies than I can count, and as a result, sometimes, it looks like this: 

This won't all fit in a backpack.

The first day I start laundering and thinking.  The laundering, which I do in preparation for the hardcore pack day to follow, takes a couple of hours all in.  But the thinking - this takes all day.  I am constantly thinking of things we may need - making mental notes (which will likely be forgotten), making lists (trying to remember all of my mental notes and knowing full well I'm forgetting something I thought of earlier), and calling my husband with a list of things for him to pick up at CVS on the way home.  

The second day is when it's on.  It's hard core packing day.  And that's the day I'm in today.  We leave for Bethany Beach, DE tomorrow for the long weekend.  Oh yay, we're going on vacation! Oh shit, I have to pack.

When I tell someone without children that it takes me a full day, all day, to pack for my family, they probably think I am exaggerating.  Because honestly, when I try to explain what exactly I am spending 10+ hours on all day, I can't.  I don't know what I am doing for all of those minutes, or why it takes so long.  But given that I am doing this today, I'm going to attempt to break it down: 

Empathy

I had a great Mother's Day.  The best I've ever had, in fact.  The morning started off like this.

Doesn't get any better!

We spent the rest of the day doing activities of my choosing.  A trip to the outlet mall (where I got to shop solo), a stop at a nearby winery (beautiful - Fabbioli Cellars), and dinner at one of my favorite restaurants (Jaleo).  

It was an excellent, excellent day.  

With one small shadow...

Your Turn - Annie's Story: How Being a Lawyer Prepared Me For Mamahood

"Your Turn" is a series of posts where readers share their stories of parenthood, work, the struggle for a balance, or just life generally.  If you are interested in contributing a story, please email me at butidohavealawdegree@gmail.com, or click here.

I knew I wanted to be a lawyer for as long as I can remember. (Don’t even get me started on the fallout I experienced by following an uninformed childhood dream.)  I also knew that I wanted to be a mama.  And as I got older, I became more aware of the challenges that being both presented.

I told myself I could handle the challenges of doing each well, but deep down I didn’t want to do both. I’m one of those people who just doesn’t half-ass anything.  And I knew that if I could have things my way, I’d be whole-assing the mama thing.

That being said, I assumed that being a 24/7 mama wouldn’t be an option for me.  You know, six-figure law school debt and all.  While that didn’t stop me from developing an exit strategy -- namely starting my own life coaching business for attorneys during my pregnancy -- I wasn’t sure if I’d have the ladyballs to quit.

Fast forward to the summer of 2013 when our Gwyneth Paige was born with an obstruction in her lung.  I didn’t even get to hold her before watching them intubate her in preparation for transport to a higher level NICU... in a neighboring state.

Spring Cleaning - National Drug Take Back Day

Last year I did a major overhaul of our house.  I cleaned and organized EVERYTHING.  Closets, random drawers, under the beds, toy boxes, the pantry, our medicine cabinet and any and all types of storage systems.  I was hard core nesting.  And by the time my baby arrived, I was proud and satisfied that he was coming into a clean, well organized home.

Since then, it's all gone to shit.

Last week, my husband announced that he believes we fit the definition of hoarders.  Oh really?  I said.  Then feel free to do something about it!

I'll believe it when I see it.  But I suppose I will help.  First on the list?  I'm going to revisit our medicine cabinet.

Last year I began working with OTC Safety.  I've learned a lot through this partnership, in particular about reading medication labels, learning about active ingredients, and safely storing and disposing of medicine.  I definitely needed the lesson -  in one of my first posts, I wrote about how shameful our medicine storage was.  With two small kids in the house, we weren't doing a good job of storing our prescriptions or OTC medications in places that were inaccessible to our kids.  I did an overhaul - I gathered everything, checked expiration dates and discarded old medicine, and organized it all in our new, spiffy medicine cabinet.

Look how pretty!

Alas, time has flown.

April 26 is the DEA's National Drug Take Back Day.  In its honor, I'm going to engage in "The Organizing of the Medicine Cabinet, Part Deux."

Lucky for me, I've been good all year, so everything is up and away, where it should be.  However, it's time I do a purge of all that's expired.  But how to do that safely?  My kids have been known to go through our garbage cans. (I promise they are generally supervised.  Just not all the time).

Instead of simply throwing them in the trash, the FDA suggests mixing expired medications with other substances, such as coffee grinds.  Then, place them in a sealable bag or empty can before disposing them.

As an alternative, as part of National Drug Take Back Day, there are also local take-back centers that will be collecting medicine this Saturday, April 26.  Just go to this website to enter your zip code and find a list of nearby locations that will be accepting prescription and OTC medicines for safe disposal.

There's some more information in the graphic below.  Happy spring cleaning!

Disclosure: I received compensation for this post as part of the CHPA OTC Safety Ambassador Program.  All of the opinions reflected here are my own.  

Appreciating the Moment Isn't All it's Cracked Up to Be

Last week I found myself organizing photos.  I am old school when it comes to photos - I still have every single one printed out, and placed in a hard copy album.  I just don't like the idea of all of my memories floating around in cyberspace somewhere.  I like to be able to hold a tangible picture.

I've been a little busy lately, with a new baby and all, so I have been a bit delinquent with my photo upkeep.  Thus, last week's photo organization centered around last summer and early fall - eating lobster in Cape Cod, frolicking at the beach at the Jersey shore, being ridiculously pregnant at my sister's wedding, and then of course, the early days with baby Colin.

I generally do get sentimental when I go through pictures, but this picture his me like a ton of bricks and had me an emotional mess:

Please excuse my pale, decrepit appearance.  I had just pushed out an 8 pound baby and hadn't slept in two days.

I had to do a double take.

That baby in my lap there does not look like the baby sleeping in the room next to me right now. That baby in my lap there is a newborn, only two days old.   The baby in the next room is plump and filled out.  He started eating solids this weekend.  He rolls over and sleeps on his tummy (for 12 straight hours, I might add).  He smiles and laughs and even sits up by himself, for a few seconds at a time. The baby in the room next to me looks like this:

How did this happen?  In a mere five months?

Everyone talks about how time goes so fast.  When one has a baby, especially the first one, they are generally bombarded with the following advice:  Appreciate every moment - the time will fly! or Savor this time - it will be over before you know it! or It doesn't get any better than this!  Or some permutation.  Basically, this is the best time of your life and it will be over soon, so you better appreciate it every. single. second.

Still Not an Expert, the Third Time Around

I have found that since having my third child, I have been asked a lot of baby advice.  I am happy to share any expertise, but let me tell you, I don't remember much.  So when people ask me what a six month old's schedule should look like, my answer is usually:  "I have no idea.  Ask me when my baby turns six months!"

It's amazing how much we forget, and how little we know.

Case in point:  Our family recently took Colin on his first flight, to Disney World.  We packed all of the necessary items for our carry on (or so we thought).  Diapers?  Check.  Wipes?  Check. Pacifier?  Check.  That's really all we had.  I am breastfeeding, so the food is attached to me at all times.  I mean what else could we possibly need?

Note to all mothers with infants - never EVER leave the house without a spare set of baby clothes. And definitely, DEFINITELY don't get on an airplane without one.

He was sitting on my lap when I felt the explosive poop.  It immediately traveled north, up his back. I could feel the moisture on my hands as it spread onto his onesie.  I called for my husband, who brought over the wipes and a diaper cloth, which were no match for the spreading feces.  It was around that time we realized we had NO SPARE CLOTHES FOR THE BABY.  (We ended up keeping him in his soiled clothing, wrapping a diaper cloth around the outside so as not to cause those around us to gag at the sight, and buying him a Disney onesie immediately upon disembarking the plane).

Ahhh, the yellow poop stain.  This outfit was subsequently thrown in the trash.

All of this to say that even us experienced moms falter.  We certainly make mistakes, and we definitely don't have all of the answers.  In fact, we still have a lot of questions.

A recent article by OTC Safety highlights some of the most common questions parents ask pediatricians.  And I have to say, even with baby #3, I continue to ask these questions myself:

- In what circumstances should I give my child a pain reliever, and how can I make sure I administer the proper dose?  (Quick answer - Read the package label very carefully, base dosage on weight (not age), and if your child is younger than three months and has a fever of 100.5, consult a doctor).

- Should I give my child a daily multivitamin? (Quick answer - Yes, if your child is a picky eater, a vegetarian, or has allergies - but consult a physician first.)

- How should I treat my child's cut and how do I know if he needs stitches?  (Quick answer - apply direct pressure, clean the wound, and use an antibiotic ointment.  Do NOT use rubbing alcohol, hydrogen peroxide, iodine, or Mercurochrome on the wound.  If the cut is deep, have the cut evaluated by a doctor.  And if you end up in the ER, try not to nearly faint like I did.)

- What is the best way to treat diaper rash?  (Quick answer - use an ointment, change diapers frequently, put diapers on loosely, and consider changing diaper brands).

For more detailed answers, you can view the article by clicking here.

I'll add one additional question and answer of my own:

- What should one bring on the plane when flying with an infant?  (Quick answer - diapers, wipes, AND A SPARE SET OF BABY CLOTHES).