tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917175986608222742.post8664856478300847263..comments2023-12-13T06:15:49.447-05:00Comments on But I do have a law degree...: The Memo Heard 'Round the (Legal) WorldBut I Do Have a Law Degreehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06362410549493994038noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917175986608222742.post-59862341831135484512013-04-26T11:22:56.691-04:002013-04-26T11:22:56.691-04:00I remember learning that Susan B. Anthony never ma...I remember learning that Susan B. Anthony never married. She dedicated her entire life to her activism for women equality. What a great sacrifice- but sad in a way too. There were so many limitations for women- people in general- then by class, race, religion and sex. We have come a long way but this Memo and the comments show the struggles we as a society still maintain either consciously or subconsciously. I have had this demanding schedule (add in work blackberry and weekend meetings!) but with a stay at home husband. Now the tables are reversed albeit his schedule is far better in academia. I am lucky we were able to make that choice! I have close girlfriends from law school whose spouses are lost when it comes to childcare and the mom does all the heavy lifting. Setting boundaries at work where you can and seeking help at home- from spouse or hired help- is key! I had a sitter one time who was paid $20 per visit to pick up another families’ child from school and bring her home. The sitter would fill in where needed- that was a critical/stressful time for the parents but for little money they filled the gap. It takes loads of planning- and the right work environment for both parents to be working and not go insane! But, you know, I am not aiming to be a Supreme Court Justice or a Partner for that matter. Makes you wonder..to have those top end jobs.. do you have to forgo the joys of parenthood? Justice O’Connor has 3 children and Justice Ginsberg has 2. Justice Ginsberg’s eldest child was born the year before law school- she went to Harvard with a baby and a husband- plus made law review. Most notably -After the birth of their daughter, her husband was diagnosed with testicular cancer. During this period, Ginsburg attended class and took notes for both of them; typed her husband's papers to his dictation; and cared for their daughter and her sick husband – all while making the Harvard Law Review. They celebrated their 56th wedding anniversary on June 23, 2010. Martin Ginsburg died of complications from metastatic cancer on June 27, 2010. Life, marriage, family are so important- we only get one round. Here is to no regrets either personally or professionally. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917175986608222742.post-27486807625827505582012-11-17T16:01:35.584-05:002012-11-17T16:01:35.584-05:00What bothered me about this memo is that if I had ...What bothered me about this memo is that if I had read it before having kids I would have thought that even having a somewhat demanding 9-5 job is impossible with kids. And if I had her life, it likely would be. And yet, I have two under two and a demanding (and interesting) job and a husband who also works full time and I love my life, do a good job at work, and spend enough time with my kids. Are there times when my life feels like the trailer to "I don't know how she does it"? Sure. but there are other times when I spend 2 hours reading to and playing w/my kids before work, spend all day thinking about interesting issues and talking to super smart people and then come home for stories, bath and bedtime. How do I do it?<br /><br />1) I have a husband who does half the parenting<br />2) I have a nanny who is fabulous (and if you can afford to not work, you can likely afford a nanny - even if you pay your nanny your entire salary, you are keeping your skills current and building your retirement savings)<br />3) I have a short commute (30 min walk or 15 min by metro)<br />4) I have a great boss who values my skills and I have a lot of in depth knowledge and couldn't easily be replaced so I don't worry if I sometimes leave early for music class or come in late b/c of a ped appt<br />5)I love what I do (not true for a lot of lawyers I think)<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917175986608222742.post-28788334829483935482012-11-15T06:10:27.306-05:002012-11-15T06:10:27.306-05:00I basically live this, except my family doesn'...I basically live this, except my family doesn't have the financial option of me staying at home - which, by the way, is my dream. I have found that the men I work for are completely out of touch with young kid times - their children are now grown. When I broached the topic of part-time, my own boss was very understanding and helpful, but the firm was not - offering to pay me an exact percentage - with no extra compensation for extra time worked. So it's in or out - and I don't have the luxury of a choice right now. I do have the comfort of actually liking the people I work with and not minding the work itself. If I had known first year what being a lawyer with two small children would be like - not so sure I would have continued down the path.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917175986608222742.post-87368311571663600902012-11-14T14:56:34.378-05:002012-11-14T14:56:34.378-05:00All good points. An interesting point my father (...All good points. An interesting point my father (an old, republican white guy who is the former managing partner of an amlaw100 firm) made upon the confirmation of the last two supreme court justices, Kagan and Sotomayor, was how disappointing it was that they, as justices (not as women) did not have children. His point was that what it takes to make it to the top for men and women has changed. You must have myopic fixation and put your career and ambition above all else, including any desire you may have had to have a family. What you could end up left with (no offense to Justices Kagan and Sotomayor) is a supreme court full of people whose heads were s buried in the law they did not forge familial relationships or have children. Is this who we want on our Court? running our law firms? As politicians? I don't mean to pick on these two justices, I am just using them to highlight an all or nothing trend I see in society and in the legal profession that could be really damaging to society. People with family obligations who work provide much value, even if they can't always be in the office until 9 each night.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917175986608222742.post-41862970889322694322012-11-14T13:48:46.022-05:002012-11-14T13:48:46.022-05:00She doesn't even include time away from work t...She doesn't even include time away from work to obtain required continuing legal education credits and represent indigents (in my state, you get up to 7 appointments per year). Working a 9-5 is hard enough as a mom even when nights and weekends are yours. The reality of life as a married lawyer with kids is not something I fully comprehended as a single, childless student. I try to tell young women what the profession can be like. Until you are in the thick of it, it is difficult to understand how draining it can be. Good post.SC Momnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917175986608222742.post-20588164622775657102012-11-14T13:11:29.248-05:002012-11-14T13:11:29.248-05:00Agreed, I didn't feel she wrote the events of ...Agreed, I didn't feel she wrote the events of her day in a way that was blaming anyone. She never used any adjectives at all to describe her husband, her employer, or even herself to be painted as the victim at all. <br /><br />What I read was a brutally honest look at exactly what her day looks like, which is a lot like what mine looks like and what many full time working moms days look like as well. <br /><br />And "just get a nanny, just move, just etc. etc. etc." are all sacrifices. Something's got to give. What do you have to go without to pay for a nanny, to move, to whatever. <br /><br />This mom is doing what I and a lot of moms do and self sacrificing. It's common, it's an instinct and I feel it's admirable.Karinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917175986608222742.post-60228822083689270212012-11-14T12:52:36.338-05:002012-11-14T12:52:36.338-05:00Where's dad? She bathed the kids, put them to ...Where's dad? She bathed the kids, put them to bed, fed them, woke up in the middle of the night, changed sheets, drove them to daycare and picked them up. Sorry, but this dude needs to step up. Even stay-at-home moms shouldn't have to do ALL that. I'm not saying her situation would have worked if dad had stepped up but still it's not right.<br /><br />(I'm a temporary stay-at-home dad with 6-month old boy).stephennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917175986608222742.post-14559214551497612172012-11-14T11:50:38.796-05:002012-11-14T11:50:38.796-05:00I like how the comments on ATL talk about the choi...I like how the comments on ATL talk about the choices she could have made to make her life easier, but never acknowledge that leaving Big Law is also a choice that would make her life easier. <br /><br />Things like this are the reason I never read ATL. It perpetuates the boys' club that is law.Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15262570233847674097noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3917175986608222742.post-63601628760909079902012-11-13T18:06:56.806-05:002012-11-13T18:06:56.806-05:00The comments on above the law that got to me were ...The comments on above the law that got to me were the ones that basically said, it wouldn't have been so hard if she just made her husband do more/everything, hired a nanny, lived closer to work, etc... Even if all of those things were feasible changes she could have made, the bottom line would still be the same...Big Law requires you to make your job your number 1 priority and at a minimum, your family or your health or your marriage will suffer because of it at least some of the time.<br />Of course, I personally don't think the changes suggested are always workable. And just because you work in Big Law does not mean that you have endless amounts of money to pay for full-time nannies and housing near work, especially if you live in a high-cost-of-living area, have student loans and kids.<br />My impression from the memo was that she wasn't blaming the firm or her colleagues so much as acknowledging that Big Law just isn't compatible with being a mom for many women. I don't think it's fair to blame any woman for trying to make it work or to heap on any additional guilt or sense of failure to what she's probably already feeling when she admits it's not working.<br /><br />I think you and her both are inspirations. I hope that someday there are more plentiful and viable solutions for moms who want to to be a lawyer AND have time for their kid(s). Until then, it's so helpful just to have someone honestly voicing the frustration and their solutions.LEOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09484533116463797465noreply@blogger.com