No matter how old you are, there's still something nice about going to your parents' house. It doesn't matter that I stay in the generic guestroom, or that all of my childhood belongings have long since been packed up in boxes. There's just something freeing about going home.
In the midst of this hurricane in my life, that's where I've been for the past week. Sheltered, well fed, taken care of.
But real life beckons. Even though this real life I'm returning to isn't that recognizable to me.
First, as you may have gleaned, my home life has been turned upside down. That's really all I'm going to say about that. I'm scared. I'm sad. But I'm hopeful.
Second, in the midst of all this, freelance work has come flooding in. I don't feel like I'm in a position to turn it down. So I guess you could say I'm working part time again, even if it is on my own time and in my own home.
What the fuck, right?
If there's anything I've gleaned in the past week during days of introspection, it's that life is crazy. As Ronan Keating likes to say, it's a rollercoaster. For a while now I've been having a nice, steady ride, and at this point in my life, that's how I like it.
But I suppose it can't stay that way forever, and there's no telling when it's going to veer off the track. With life taking twists and turns again, the only thing I can do to cope is just go with it. So that's what I'm doing. I'm going with it.
And in the process of going with it, I have a few resolutions to myself.
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I want to learn to accept help more.
I want to spend time more time with my girlfriends (without children around!).
I want to travel more (Scotland - here I come! Stay tuned for details).
I want to be less judgmental of others.
I want to be less judgmental of myself.
I want to take more time for me (and finally find a regular babysitter!).
I want to make sure this blog is not all doom and gloom (sorry the past week has been a bit of that - not to worry, I'll be posting about law firms and homemade Valentines in no time).
And most importantly, I want to find the joy in every day, because my God, with kids like mine, how can each day not be joyful?
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Here I come, DC. I'm ready.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
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12 comments:
Looking forward to spending time with you without kids as well. There is something so wonderful about having a babysitter come on a regular basis. You go girl!!!
You're finding philosophy in Ronan Keating? Now I'm worried. I hereby bequeath you Bill Hicks "Life's a ride" speech instead, begone Boyzone.
Love the resolutions, and you have the two best reasons for going with it.
And if you do come to Scotland, there's a pint of heavy with your name on it.
Be well!
I don't even remember now exactly which blog rabbit-hole I stumbled down to find yours, but I have been reading here for the last 6-9 months. I'm also a former firm lawyer turned SAHM and really relate to your writng. I just wanted to de-lurk to say I am sending you my best thoughts and hopes for whatever it is that you're going through now. Hang in there and I hope you get to spend some quality time with your girlfriends - that's the best :)
Also found your blog at random, and related to your SAHM and lawyer wife posts. Weirdly, I had my own bomb this monday, and catching up on your blog, I see that you have too. There's really nothing people can say to you when you're going through something, but knowing that they're there makes all the difference in the world. Wishing you all the best, and good luck.
I also stumbled upon your blog randomly on Monday after having my life turned upside down earlier in the day. I hope that you get to keep your resolutions and in doing so you find comfort. Take care & good luck
As a loyal reader of your blog since its early days, sending positive energy and thoughts your way to help you get through this time in your life. We are stronger than we think when faced with challenges. Wishing you all the best.
I am also a lawyer who is working an alternative career to be a mom. Good luck on working through what is going on at home - take it a day ata time and appreciate the little things.
I recently came across the blog www.thechangeblog.com. I like the entry " sitting on the fence" but there are others like "How Gratitude Can Change Your Life" which I find to be a helpful read. Gratitude can take a world that feels so upside down and stand it back up again. It may not be the world as you knew it before, but you will be able to savour the little things. It inolves removing your rose colored lenses and seeing the world for what it really is, and in so doing, seeing it with more clarity and renewed appreciation.
When I read your initial post, I thought that one of your parents must have had some kind of health problem. And then when I read your re-entry post, I thought a bomb exploded in your marriage. Whatever it is, I am sending you positive vibes and wishes and prayers that you weather the storm as best you can.
Thanks so much for all of your comments - to those commenters who are also going through their own "bomb" - my heart goes out to you and I'm sending lots of virtual hugs your way.
To the Transplant, yes, I have a special affinity for British boy bands, particularly those around circa 2001. I'm not ashamed. :)
Keep looking for the silver linings (as per your previous post). And don't give up on Ronan Keating - Life is a Rollercoaster is always on my playlist and has brought a much needed smile to my face on many occasions! Thinking of you. Its tough when those bombs go off.
Listen friend, I don't know what your bomb is but I"m so sorry you're suffering and want you to hang in there. Sometimes like you said, the silver lining is that it takes something terrible for us to see what is truly important. Work the freelance work, love your kids, love yourself - take care of business or TCB as Aretha would say ;) We've never met, but I read your blog occasionally and can tell you're a good solid person and a loving mother. I'm thinking of you.
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